More procrastiwriting than procrastibaking
Technically, I’m supposed to be studying for my final examination in Business Processes and Accounting Information Systems, which is happening at 6PM today.
However, somewhere between reading a pile of information on COSO (Committee of Sponsoring Organisations of the Treadway Commission) framework and COBIT (Control Objectives for Information and Related Technology) 5, I suddenly felt the great need to write about important health things for health purposes.
Therefore, I have taken a break from my studies to bring you this important health thing and tell you how to eat leafs.
You probably recall from our shared childhood that I dislike eating raw leafs, particularly when they’re aren’t slathered in salad dressings. However, this last weekend alone, I have somehow managed the impossible feat of eating my way through two large boxes of mixed leaf salad from The Dinner Ladies (more on that later) without any salad dressing. These salads contained rocket, which I am well known to hate.
I have achieved this success through two methods. The first being the replacement of rice with leafs and the second being the development of a special leaf-eating technique, which Droo developed after watching me wrap hot Korean barbeque meat in perilla leaves at his birthday last year.
Keep your veggies sealed and crisp in the fridge!
Step 1 (Preparation):
Before embarking on your leaf eating journey, first ensure that the leafs that you are eating are fresh and crunchy. This makes them more palatable later on. You can keep them nice and crisp in the crisper drawer of your fridge next to your seeds for the next Spring planting.
Also, prepare meat with sweetish marinades or flavours, as the sweet juices will complement the bitterness of the leaves.
For maximum enjoyment and learning, meals should be eaten while watching Crash Course with John Green.
Step 2 (Dish Out):
Fill one bowl with a serve of your meat for the meal, and a rice bowl with leafs instead of rices.
As leafs are fluffy and non-tiny, you will probably end up refilling the rice bowl multiple times with more leafs. Do not feel guilty about this. Leafs are good for you and will not make you fat, a benefit not shared by rice, which will totally make you fat.
By the way, the leaves in this picture are a mixture of rocket, baby spinach and cos lettuce (I think), and come from the Dinner Ladies delicious fresh dinner services.
A leaf pellet
Step 3 (Fold Leafs):
Fold the leafs into a small eatable pellet with your hands. This maximises enjoyment of the leafs because it invokes the forbidden art of playing with your food, which I am totally doing.
Step 4 (Eat and enjoy):
Put a mouthful of meat in your mouth with one hand, and the leaf pellet with the other. Then enjoy it Ratatouille style.
Now you have eat leafs and not rices. You shall be Healthy and you shall be Energy. Go forth and do awesomeness.
 I am calling them leafs because they came from a box marked “mixed leaf salad”, and also because you can say “leafs” without opening your mouth and displaying the greenery within, but you cannot say “leaves” without spitting out a little bit of the aforementioned greenery. Also because I am brain melt from exam stress.
 I’d curse the name of Jamie Oliver for bringing popularising rocket in the culinary world, but I’m a sucker for his delicious pastas, so he is forgiven for his transgressions against humanity.