Mothers Make It Work: We’re Owl in it Together (Part 1)

When I was born, the Aged Ps had been married for a few years, and my dad worked very long hours and was often sent out of the country for weeks at a time. So, when I was very small, my mum’s biggest challenge was to manage the household by herself and care for a small (and loud) child at the same time.

013-80apr4mths

The Aged P with Debs G (4 months old): Mealtime is playtime

In order to keep the house clean and tidy, mum would make the best of baby morning and afternoon naptimes to mop the floors, wipe down the surfaces and do the laundry. She felt that it was most important to keep the floor and beds clean and tidy, as these were the places that would be most in contact with the baby.

As I grew older and more mobile, she bought a soft rug for me to play on, and trained me to stay on that rug during playtime so that she could complete her daily chores without worrying if I would be up to mischief.

If my dad was travelling, she would make sure that we were home every evening at the same time, as my dad would ring the house at 6pm without fail to talk to us. This was a very important daily ritual for the whole family, and even now, when my dad travels for work or if mum travels to visit my sister, they will FaceTime or Skype with each other at least once a day.

I will always appreciate the lengths that my mum went through to make sure that I acknowledged and remembered my dad, and understood where he was. She would bring out his photograph and point to it. She would point to the map and teach me to say the names of the places where he was working. She would make up songs about how much we loved each other. So, although he wasn’t physically present, I knew how important he was and our relationship was never diluted.

Although mum really loves to cook, going to the market daily with an infant in tow was pretty tiring for her, so she would only purchase enough to make breakfast and dinner every day. Additionally, as a child, I would always be full of beans in the morning, so she wouldn’t really be able to take the time out to prepare her own lunch if she wanted to spend that time meaningfully with me.

So, for lunch, mum first tried a local ‘tingkat’ or food delivery service, but soon tired of the repetitive menu. In the end, she made an agreement with one of our neighbours who had a large family and would set aside a portion of food for her. (Although the neighbour would often reserve the worst parts of whatever she happened to be cooking for my mum to eat – bony pieces like the chicken neck and the ends of vegetables – it at least saved her the trouble of meal planning and cooking!)

Mum often volunteered as the church organist and she sang in the church choir, so she would bring me along with her to attend rehearsals during the week. As an infant, I slept quietly in my moses basket during these times, and as I grew, I learned to sing along with her.

063-83MarMobile

Breakfast before play school (Debs G at 2 years old)

The year that I turned 2 years old, one of mum’s friends persuaded her to send me to playschool.

Although she felt that I was too tiny for schooling, it was around this time that my elderly maternal grandfather started to require regular medical checkups. As the only daughter who didn’t hold a paying full-time job, it was left to her to accompany my maternal grandfather to his various appointments. Sending me to playschool would allow her a few hours in the morning with which to manage this.

However, one day, the medical appointment ran overly long and she was late in picking me up from playschool. By the time she arrived, she found to her utmost horror that all the teachers and the school principal had gone home, leaving me alone outside the darkened building with nobody but the school caretaker to watch over me.

You can imagine how traumatised we both were from that experience.

From that day onwards, as soon as we drove past the trees leading up the driveway to the playschool, mum said that I would start crying uncontrollably. She arranged to send me to a different school and I seemed perfectly happy with that – but she was much more careful to pick me up on time. This of course meant that she had to do much more shuttling back and forth if the medical appointments ran long, as she would pick me up from school and then drop me off at my maternal grandmother’s house, then return to the hospital to accompany my grandfather.

In Mobile, Alabama (Debs G at 3 years old): Before a ballet recital

Midway through my third year, my dad was posted to the US for further studies. He couldn’t bear to leave his family behind, so we all moved with him to a small town of Mobile in Alabama, which was near the university where my dad was studying sports medicine.

We were the only chinese family there in the Deep South of America.

It could have been dreadfully lonely, but my parents saw this as a great adventure.

The community in that small town was very welcoming, and they were very respectful of my parents, who were not only english-speaking, but polite and well-educated. It took my parents a while to understand the sleepy southern drawl but eventually they got used to it.

Instead of shyly keeping to herself, like most people would in a new environment, Mum made an concerted effort to be actively became involved in the community, bringing me to the local play school and dance studio and taking part in town events. She joined a quilting class and a cake decorating class in the mornings when I was at play school. Some afternoons, if my dad was at class, she would meet with the other housewives in the backyard of the rental complex where we lived. They would sit on the grass and chat whilst the kids played together.

She was always smiling and gracious to everyone. She would exchange recipes with her neighbours and very often, people would come round to our house carrying an empty bowl to enjoy some authentic chinese cooking or bring some delicious meals to share. At the first neighbourhood potluck party, all of our neighbours had never seen or eaten chinese food before, and the whole dish of stir-fried vegetables and fried beehoon noodles disappeared in a blink of an eye. Our neighbour was so impressed with the delicate pieces of thinly sliced meat amongst the crunchy julienned vegetables that he remarked that my mum “can take one piece of meat and feed an army”!

Until now, Mum still keeps in touch with her friends from Alabama – in fact our neighbour’s grandson has recently come to Singapore to work!

Of course, it was the constant travelling and their commitment to their elderly parents that probably made the Aged Ps decide put off having a second child until I was five years old and much more independent…but that’s a story for another post.

P.S. Happy Birthday Mummy!

This post is part of the ‘Mothers Make It Work!’ Blog Train hosted by Owls Well. To read other inspiring stories please click on the picture below.

Mothers Make It Work Button

If you would like to travel to the previous stops on this Blog Train and read more interesting birth stories, you can start with this very thoughtfully written one here, penned by Angie over at Life’s Tiny Miracles.

18261241_120300003540885353_2103005318_o-768x512 Angie is the Mommy behind the Life’s Tiny Miracles blog. The journey to Motherhood has been a bittersweet experience for her. As a mom of 5 kids (3 in Heaven), Angie embraces every bit of this season: the tears, the insanity, the sacrifices and the joy that comes from knowing she’s loved as a wife, a friend, a daughter and a Mom. In her post, she talks about the importance of a strong and supportive community in a mother’s journey.

18518925_10155077378855202_1525611593_oAt next week’s stop we will be visiting Michelle over at Mummy Wee.

Michelle is a mum to 6 kids and now that she has packed her last child off to school, she has time to channel her energies to her 7th baby, an enrichment centre she feels passionately about. I for one am very excited to read about how she manages all her kids – from her preschooler to her teenaged daughters – whilst working full-time at The Little Executive!

Advertisements

Mothers Make It Work! – A Blog Train hosted by Owls Well

Mothers Make It Work Button

Being a mother is very challenging, not just in raising children, but in meeting all the expectations that society has for us.

We are expected to raise angelic children, be loving and supportive wives, nurse our aging parents, hold on to successful careers, keep the house spic and span, cook instagram worthy meals and we have to look good whilst doing it. This can result in women feeling guilty or depressed that they don’t have it altogether perfect like everyone else.

Well, I say that nobody has it altogether perfect.

We’ve all worked hard and made sacrifices to get where we are, and we have also had to make compromises so that we can make it work. Sometimes, we try to balance things perfectly and somehow it backfires. Other times, it means arranging flexible working hours, or hiring a cleaner, or buying a car, or finding a childcare/parentcare arrangement that works. It could also mean re-organising our priorities or giving up on a long-cherished dream.

But in the end, one thing remains true – we are always trying to find the best way to make it work for us and our families.

In this blog train series, we’ll be visiting some of my favourite bloggers each week who will be sharing their mothering struggles and successes with us! I hope you will enjoy the journey with me!

(Links on this page will be updated as each post goes live)

4 May

Hai Fang from MalMal Our Inspiration: Motherhood

11 May

Angie.S from Life’s Tiny MiraclesMothers Make It Work

18 May

Debs G from Owls Well: We’re Owl in it Together (Part 1)

25 May

Michelle from Mummy Wee: 5 Survival Tips of a Mum Boss

1 June

June from MamaWearPapaShirt: How this WAHM manages work and family without going insane

8 June  

Candice from MissusTay: Mothers Make it Work

15 June

Twinklystarz on Owls Well: Advice from a Part Time Working Mama

22 June

Dot from A Pancake Princess : Just another mum making it work

29 June

Cat K on Owls Well: Leaving on a Jet Plane

6 July

Lyn Lee from Lil Blue Bottle : Through challenges then and now

13 July

Elisa from Give them roots and wings : How mummies make it work

20 July

Karen from Mum’s Calling : Mothers make it work!

24 Aug

Angie Y. from Growing Hearts 123 : Hubs and My Views

28 Aug

David S. from Life’s Tiny Miracles : Parenting and Perdition- A Husband’s Perspective

29 Aug

Yann from Yannisms

31 Aug

Katherine S. from Bubba and Mama

7 Sept

Andy Lee from Sengkang Babies

14 Sept

Shubhada from Rainbow Diaries

21 Sept

Justine from Just Some Tings

28 Sept

Tracey O from Memoirs of a Budget Mum

5 Oct

Pooja K from Mums & Babies

12 Oct

Adeline C from Ade Says

Birth Stories: A Blog Train Hosted By Owls Well

11866474_10153411125380202_4867820037871610566_nEverybody has a different experience during those last few weeks of pregnancy and the during the birth process. For some, it involves carefully planning a C-section with a doctor beforehand, for others it involves inviting a birth coach into the labour ward to perform hypnotherapy, but in every case it is an exciting time for all, culminating in the first anxieties and joys of parenthood.

One thing that stands out to me is that no pregnancy or childbirth will ever follow a clinical textbook description nor even the dramatised versions of it on TV or in the movies. The experience of childbirth is unique to every parent and it’s interesting to see how people cope with the birthing process – especially when things do not go exactly as planned!

Each week on this blog train, we will be visiting some of my favourite bloggers-who-are-parents who will be telling us about their birth stories. I hope you will enjoy the journey with me!

(Links on this page will be updated as each post goes live)

11 August

Owls WellHere Comes J (or, when to get that Epidural)

18 August

Simply Lambchops: The Birth of K (or, I did it without Epidural)

25 August

 Owls Well : Little E makes a big entrance (or, Labour – True or False?)

1 September

Bubsicles : Aidan’s birth, 3.5 years on

8 September

Life in the Wee Hours : David’s Birth Story told by Daddy

15 September

Tan Family Chronicles : The Birth of Isaac The First

16 September:

Tan Family Chronicles : The Birth Story of the Twins, Asher & Shawna

22 September

Mum in the Making : Thankful Tuesday:First Birth

29 September

Life Is In The Small Things : Noey’s Birth Story – Seven Years On

6 October

Mummy Wee : Birth Stories of My 6 Children

13 October

Mum’s Calling : The First Birth

20 October

Owls Well : Thumper pops in (or, Serving an eviction notice written in Raspberry Leaf Tea)

27 October

A Million Little Echos : Birth Stories By Daddy:Ewan and Faye

3 November

A Pancake Princess : David

10 November

Meeningfully : Jonas’ birth story – an overdue post

17 November

Sanses : Birth Story Revisited

24 November

Sengkang Babies : We Planned For 2 Kids but Ended Up With 4

8 December

Mummy Chuck : Jaden’s Birth Story 

15 December

The Chill Mom : 24 Things I Wish I Knew About Childbirth and Postpartum Recovery

22 December

The “Perfect” Father : Our (Last) Birth Story

29 December

PrayerFull Mum : Christmas Delivery

5 Jan 2016

Don’t Put All Your Diapers Into One Diaper Bag : The last time the oven bell dinged