Escher Would be Proud

The one thing, and almost the only thing, that I hate about vacations is the packing. Here I am, ready to take a much needed stress relief break from work and I am never sure exactly what I want to bring with me.  That, and I can never figure out how to fold things to maximise the use of space in my suitcase.

Packing Pro.  Plug in the numbers and hope.

Packing Pro. Plug in the numbers and hope.

There are alot of online lists on stuff to bring on travel trips, but they’re never well catered for more than a week stay or assume far too many things about my lifestyle.  Currently, I’m using a little program called Packing Pro to help me with packing my suitcase.  While I find the expert help wizard somewhat useful, it really assumes far too much about my lifestyle and often suggests inappropriate things to bring[1].  Also, it doesn’t often take into account the reasons behind my trip and sometimes suggests inappropriately bulky and silly things to bring, like umbrellas and binoculars.

Thankfully, I now have one of those massively oversized American Tourister DC Superlites, which means that packing for me now consists of just lobbing clothes into the case and then sitting on it to zip it shut[2].  So, while I can stuff the suitcase with as much clothing as I’d like despite not knowing what clothing I might need.  The result is always the same:  I end up on the other side of the world from my home with something completely useless, like a Playstation 2, and missing some vital object needed to continue life, like my toothbrush.

Just fling everything in there and strap it down.  It'll be all right.

Just fling everything in there and strap it down. It’ll be all right.

Meanwhile, the Southern Boobook has figured out a way to distort the laws of space and time with his packing method by fitting more things in his tiny tiny tiny suitcase.

Seriously, I have no idea how he manages it because after reaching the destination, he unpacks the stuff he’s brought and then can’t fit it back in the suitcase again.  It’s insane.

After reaching Singapore, he unzipped it and all the clothes just burst out like that creature in Alien.

After reaching Singapore, he unzipped it and all the clothes just burst out like that creature in Alien.

I wish I could do that.

[1] Like suggesting that I bring 14 condoms on a 14-day trip to Singapore.

[2] My previous suitcase was a navy blue Samsonite lovingly nicknamed Gimpy for its broken wheel.  Gimpy was a very loyal suitcase and put up with my over-stuffing him all the time and my poor handling for many years until all his locks and handles gave way.  RIP Gimpy, you were too good for this sinful Earth.


Dear Mr Special Snowflake: An Angry Rant

So, a fortnight ago, Droo and I attended the Singapore Day event held in the Domain, which I had booked tickets for a while back.  The event was pretty fun and I had originally planned to film a follow up vlog about the whole thing, until I read about the controversy surrounding the day.

Your tears are delicious.

Somebody needs a WAAAAAH-mbulance.

Apparently, some “terribly unfortunate” Australian named James Poder didn’t prebook tickets online for the day and was turned away at the gate.  Outraged by his ejection from the grounds, he called 2GB radio to cry racism!  Obviously, he was being turned away for being white!  How truly terrible for him!

Seriously. Singapore Day was pretty well attended.  Obviously, the number of Singaporeans outnumbered the number of non-Singaporeans attending the event.  Droo and I did make a sort of game counting all the clearly non-Singaporean people invited by their friends to attend.  We counted about a dozen each.  So, we know for a fact that at least 24 non-Singaporeans attended the event (not including Droo).

So here’s a letter to Mr Poder and his oversized sense of entitlement.

Dear Mr Special Snowflake,

How dare the Singaporean Government pay the Royal Botanic Gardens oodles of money to use your property for a private event, hire an Australian security firm and event staff, and ship a whole bunch of hawkers and entertainers to Sydney without feeding your sense of entitlement?  How dare we use our own money to organise and plan an event in a public space without allowing the white people, the rightful owners of the land, to just waltz in without a ticket and poke things?  Truly, I weep with shame at our clearly brazen waste of Australian taxpayer money that we didn’t use to begin with.  Boo hoo hoo.  Waaaah.

The organisers were checking people for tickets, IDs or hand stamps all day long.  Did the mean Ms Event Organiser turn you away at the gate because you didn’t bring one of these things?  Did you go and wail to the nearest other Caucasian couple you saw because you didn’t get into an exclusive event?  Awww, did ickle bubbykins get a booboo on his substantial ego?  Poor precious.  We are terribly racist against people who don’t have tickets!

Look look look!  I have an Asian Friend!  He's SO Asian!

Look look look! I have an Asian Friend! He’s SO Asian!

I mean it’s not like YOU’RE racist, right?  Some of your best friends are Singaporean!  You’ve even been to Singapore a few times!  That totally entitles you to some special treatment that allows you to get into exclusive events without a ticket.

Let’s be serious now.

You didn’t get into the event because you didn’t book a ticket in advance.  Oh, you wanted to buy a ticket at the gate?  Tickets were sold out long ago, whiny boy.  I had to get mine two months in advance of the event and even then I couldn’t get enough for all my friends because guess what?  THEY HAD RUN OUT.

Maybe it’s time to put on your big boy pants and ‘fess up to your own stupidity.  You didn’t get a ticket, so you didn’t get in.  Don’t go crying racist when your whiny sense of white person entitlement makes your head bigger than it should be.

While you’re putting on your pants, why not watch this video of my best friend, Droo, enjoying an Old Chang Kee curry puff while totally ignoring your plight.  Droo is not only officially white, but also isn’t a Singaporean citizen.  But he somehow managed to get in.  So did all the other white people who are clearly milling about in the background.  I wonder how he did it. (HINT: He had a ticket.)


A Becky Lee

PS.  Don’t worry, you’re not alone in receiving a Special Snowflake Trophy.  A Second Place Special Snowflake Trophy has also been given to the very racist Singaporean “gentleman” who wrote about being happy that there weren’t any “PRCs, India Indians, Bangla or Pinoys to annoy us“.  Shame on you, sir!  SHAME!

PPS.  Third place Special Snowflake Trophy goes to the folks at Newscorp for being lazy journalists, not doing their research properly, and giving this guy time of day.