We’re sitting around the table, enjoying an ice-cream treat. J is 9 years old, Little E is 6 years old and Thumper is nearly 2 years old.
J: I wish I lived in a Bungalow. Then I could have extra rooms for all my ornaments. Every time I get a new ornament, I’ll put it in a triple locked cupboard. Every week I’ll take out the ornaments and polish them. I’ll have to buy lots of polish. And the front door will be quadruple locked for extra security!
Debs G: Okay.
Debs G: I feel sorry for your wife.
Debs G: Because she’ll have to spend all her time polishing your ornaments.
J: No no no no no. She’s not allowed to touch the ornaments, because they are MY ornaments. She’s only allowed to look at them while I polish them.
Little E: I don’t want to live in a bungalow. I’m going to live in a farmhouse. I’m going to have a cat and a dog to keep me company. And I’m going to marry my friend Ben.
J: WHAT?! Who is this “Ben”? You’ve never talked about him before. Who is he?
Little E: He’s the one who gave me a kiss on the cheek last week.
Thumper: (waving his spoon) NO NO!
J: (enraged) He did WHAT?! Why didn’t you kick him?!
Little E: He asked me nicely if he could give me a kiss and I said ok.
Thumper: (pointing his spoon at Little E) NO NO!
J: You can’t just go around letting weirdos give you a kiss! If he tries to pull this stunt again, you should give him a kick! A BIG KICK!
Little E: He’s not a weirdo! He’s my friend!
Thumper: (frowning) NO NO! NO NO!
J: Well, we haven’t met him, so he’s must be a weirdo or you would have introduced him to us first before letting him give you a kiss! This is nonsense! He’s not worthy of marrying my sister! If I see him, I’m going to kick him!
Little E: That’s why I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to freak out!
J: WHY WOULD I FREAK OUT?! I’m not freaking out at all. I am totally normal!
Debs G: Little E, the next time somebody in your class asks to give you a kiss or asks you for a kiss, you should tell them that you need to ask your mummy and daddy first, okay?
Little E: Okay, Mummy.
J: And then I will find him and give him a kick.